Let's talk about POOP and how to REMOVE it!
It’s time again. Time to talk about poop! Surprising that I find another way to discuss it seeing as I couldn’t have imagined it could be such a broad topic before I had kids.
Did you know that poop from two different kids can be regularly different? In other words, my son’s poop is regularly different from what I’d come to expect from my daughter. In other, other words, they each have their own, unique pooping style. Now there’s something to be proud of. Well, no matter the consistency or the content, poop and washing machines don’t mix (unless it’s the exclusively breastfed stuff), so you’re gonna have to find a way to separate the poop from the fluff. Here are a couple methods I’ve tried (or at least heard of):
1) Diaper liners. A disposable liner added at each diaper change can be a great way to dispose of that poop without spraying, dunking, shaking, disco dancing, or scraping. Ideally, the poop stays on the liner and can be simply thrown into the potty, leaving the diaper washing machine ready.
a. Pros: when these work, they’re awesome and they work 50% 90% of the time, especially with babies who haven’t started to crawl or walk yet.
b. Cons: Sometimes they scrunch up and twist between the legs and the poop goes everywhere but on the liner, requiring any one of the less desirable methods of poop removal. Also, these need to be regularly purchased. You can also buy reusable diaper liners, but then you’re back to finding a way to remove the poop, possibly from both the liner and the diaper now.
2) Diaper Sprayer. The diaper sprayer attaches to your toilet and the water pressure can be adjusted to adapt to the force needed or preferred for poop removal.
a. Pros: Ideally, this is a great way not to have to touch the poop. The sprayer touches it for you. 10% of the time, it actually works that way too.
b. Cons: Spray at the wrong angle or with the wrong pressure and you’re gonna get a wall full or face full of poopy water. Also, you usually end up touching poopy water anyway because you still need to wring out the diaper, especially if it was a super sticky, super stubborn poop that needed lots of spray.
3) Spray Pal. The Spray Pal is used in conjunction with a diaper sprayer, this eliminates some of the problems associated with diaper spraying— namely, poorly aimed spray and/or mist.
a. Pros: Extra protection is always great and this can protect your face, your mouth, and your walls from poop particles that build up over time and give you a reputation that keeps guest from accepting dinner invitations.
b. Cons: It’s just another bulky piece of equipment to hang in your bathroom and serve as a Petri dish for germs. It’s also an extra step in the diaper- cleaning process. Besides, you still have to squeeze out that diaper which will soak your hands in poopy water.
4) Dunking. Holding the diaper at one or both ends, dunk it gently in the toilet water to loosen the stools. Then, flush the water, being sure to grip the diaper tightly. The force of the flush should remove the remaining pieces of stubborn poo.
a. Pro: This is a really effective way of removing poop from a diaper and there is no spray. Also, it’s free. Yes, you’re touching the poopy water, but you’re probably going to touch it no matter your method. Besides, didn’t I read somewhere that dirty toilet water can act as an exfoliant? No wait, that’s Dead Sea mud. Close enough.
b. Con: You’re fully committing yourself to touching this poopy water. Where there may be a chance of escape with your sprayer, liner, and spray pals, there is no escape here. Also, if you don’t have a nice, firm grip, you can say goodbye to your diaper and your plumbing. The last thing you need is a bulky, cloth diaper clogging those drains and bringing necessitating an ER call to the plumber(actually, a babysitter flushed one of my inserts once and other than the lost insert, everything worked out all right, so that’s a best- case scenario).
5) Scraping. This is one method I have never tried but I’m pretty sure I can imagine how it would work. Correct me if I’m wrong but you reserve a spatula for this task alone (no double duty as a cake server please), and come time for a poopy diaper cleanse, you hold your diaper with one hand, and scrape the solids into the toilet with the other. Easy peasy. I’m imagining that anything that doesn’t come off at this point could be dunked.
a. This seems that it would be almost as effective as the diaper liner in assuring that your hands won’t touch any poop, but without having to make any regular purchases.
b. Still, you’d have to find a great place to keep the bacteria ridden spatula, or find a way to thoroughly disinfect it after each baby bowel movement.
6) Disco dancing. I’m sorry, there is no such thing when it comes to poop removal.
I had to keep you reading, though.
7) Shake it off! This only works for those nice, solid poops that are cohesive but not adhesive and await you like a perfectly formed present at changing time. Just begging to roll nicely into the toilet like an Olympic high diver, they’re beautiful, but hard to come by.
a. Pro: If your baby produces lots of these, special, Olympian poops, you’re gonna have some trouble-free poop removal.
b. Cons: Babies don’t normally poop like this, so you’ll be shaking for a long time before you start scraping, dunking, and spraying.
Armed with this information, go ahead and grab your sense of humor and maybe a hazmat suit, and tackle those baby poops head on. While these methods promise effective poop removal, they cannot promise a separation of poop and parent.
Unfortunately, poop is an integral part of the parenting experience. The sooner you embrace that fact, the happier you’ll be. For those new parents out there who are cringing as they read this, I promise it’s not that bad. It goes hand in hand with picking your kids nose for them and catching vomit in your hand: awful when it’s any random kid, but perfectly normal and surprisingly not so gross when it’s your own.