Babywearing a Poop Bomb
I feel it before I smell it. First, itís like a little jetstream, a shot of air, warm and forceful
against my belly. Then, itís wet. Finally itís smelly. Iím in the craft store for a quick
errand before going home when Baby Bear decides to have a poop bomb that exceeds
the limits of the pocket diaper, onesie, and sleeper heís wearing, and donít ask me the
brand of diaper, I donít remember specifically, but itís a good one. It was a brand that
moms like me swear by and for my little poop monster, it still wasnít enough.
So, I stand there as the warm poop starts expanding over my belly and his legs and I
panick for a minute.
Yes, I have them.
Change of clothes?
No. Pretty sure I donít. Itís cold outside. What am I going to do, carry him around in a
I canít think about that right now.
Can I let him sit in it? No, canít do that either.
Wish they sold baby clothes here. They donít.
What to do?
I should do something.
ďMommy, can I get this princess pen?Ē Your daughterís voice is a wake≠up call.
I need to go change this diaper. This very poopy diaper. In a public restroom.
This is not awful.
ďCímon, Bunny. Youíre little brother just pooped all over me and himself. We gotta go
The Diaper Change
Thankfully the bathroom at the craft store has a nice, big handicapped stall with a
changing station inside. I give Bunny strict instructions to stand back, donít sit on the
floor, and for goodness sake, ďDONíT TOUCH ANYTHING, okay Sweetie?Ē Now smile at
her. She doesnít realize youíre just stressed over the poop that is still seeping into your
clothes. ďSorry, Baby. I just donít want you to get gross germs all over you and your
brother pooped EVERYwhere and Iím just a little frustrated.Ē
I open the changing table, roll out his changing pad, hang the diaper bag on the door
hook and the wet bag on the measly one they tried to carve out of the changing table. I
try to maneuver his wipes to a spot where his long≠reaching little grabby hands wouldnít
get them and then I take a deep breath.
Just dive in and do it, Becca. Itís not so bad.
YES IT IS! WEíRE AT THE STORE AND I DONĒT HAVE MY DIAPER SPRAYER!
Wait, what about his change of clothes???
Hastily paw through his diaper bag. There! At the bottom of a bag! Itís a sleeper. Dang it!
Itís a blanket sleeper. How am I going to babywear that? How is that supposed to go in a
carseat? Iíll cross that bridge once Iíve waded through this. Whatever. At least he wonít
Okay. Deep breath. Another one. Itís not gonna be that bad.
Unclip the Boba carrier. Pull out the giggly, drippy baby. Check my clothes. Yes, there is
poop through both shirts. Nope, itís not as bad as I thought. Glad Iím wearing navy
today! Lay him on the mat. Open his sleeper. Oh man! He might as well have just poured
the soupy, yellow poop into sleeperís leg. Itís full of poop right down to the fleecy toes.
Thank goodness I have lots of wipes today. Pull the sleeper off c≠a≠r≠e≠f≠u≠l≠l≠y now.
Grow a third arm to hold back the happy hands that want to grab the sleeper and eat the
poop while you manage to take it off without making the mess worse. Place it into the wet
bag before more harm is done. Meanwhile, you and your daughter should make lots of
noise about how gross this all is. It keeps her occupied so she wonít touch the germy
floor or the wall with her hands. It also keeps other customers amused who are so lucky
as to walk in right now. Wipe down his onesie. Take the onesie off. Manage to get it
over the head without getting poop in the babyís mouth. Still hold the hands back with
your third arm. Wipe down the outside of the diaper first. Open the diaper and place in
wet bag with sleeper and onesie and the 10 wipes you already used. Finally, weíre to the
naked bottom now. Wipe down his bottom. Wipe his foot because he kicked the one
spot on bottom that hasnít been cleaned yet. Wipe his bottom again with the very last
baby wipe. Wipe down the changing pad with the same wipe. Phew! Baby is clean!
Deep, cleansing breath. Smile at the giggly baby. He wasnít trying to make your day
more difficult. Heís just happy his bowels are free. Giggle with him. Smile at the happy
little girl in the corner who is so amused at the sight of you and her brother covered in
poop. Put him in the blanket sleeper. Yes, thatís it. Itís not so bad. You can just fold his
feet under him when you put him back in the Boba carrier. And thereís only a smidgeon of
poop on the carrier itself. It can easily be wiped off. There. Thatís it. The babyís in.
Deep breath. Put everything back in his diaper bag. Place the bag on my back and grab
Bunnyís hand. Did she touch anything? No. She was very obedient. Deep breath. To
the sink. Wash my hands. Wash Bunnyís for good measure. Baby Bear is so happy
now. Heís talking and giggling. Should I wash his hands? I should, but I canít do that
without taking him out of the carrier and losing my grip on Bunnyís hand. I used the baby
wipe on them didnít I? Another deep breath. What about the carseat? What about
getting the buckle through his legs? Donít worry about that now. Thatís it. Go find your
shopping cart. Itís right where you left it. Grab the yarn. Open up the coupon on your
phone and get to the register as quickly as possible.
ďMommy, look! Itís a Princess Ariel book?Ē
ďYes, dear. Letís just keep walking. ď
ďBut Mommy do you see? Did you see it? It was Ariel!Ē
ďMhm. I saw it. Sheís lovely. Keep walking.Ē
Those darn books, strategically placed to lure preschoolers when Mommies or Daddies
just want to get safely through the store and out without any extra purchases. Great.
Youíre doing your job, craft store chain. Oops! You walked too close to the fake flowers.
Baby Bear just extricated a rose from the silk arrangement with his super swift go≠go≠
gadget arm. Put the flower back while holding Bunnyís wrist in a vice grip. She wants a
flower too now. Thatís it. Keep walking. Weíre in line. ďYes, Bunny, I see the candy. No
you may not have any.Ē Sigh! I can still feel the poopy moisture on my belly. Donít think
about it now. The ladyís telling us itís our turn. Give her the coupon. Sheís putting the
yarn in the bag. Weíre almost there. So close!
Okay. We made it out the door. Almost there now. Put Bunny in her carseat and
buckle. Put the diaper bag in the front seat. Deep breath. Get in the back seat and close
the door. Place Baby Bear in the carseat and unzip his blanket sleeper. Pull one little
naked leg out into the cold so you can correctly attach the harness buckle through his
legs. I hate that heís cold, but Iíd rather his carseat be adjusted correctly than he be warm
and insecure in an accident. Heís crying now. He doesnít like the seat, the belt, or his
naked leg. ďItís okay, Baby Bear. It wonít be long now. Hereís a blanket, little one. Thatís
better isnít it?Ē It isnít because heís still screaming as if enduring torture. Kiss the
screaming baby, tell the little girl that yes you know sheís hungry but weíll be home soon
and she can eat. Tell her again 30 seconds later as youíre driving out of the parking lot.
You might as well just record this part and play it on repeat because sheís going to keep
telling you the entire 15 minute car ride home. And while youíre at it, crank up the music
and find your happy place because Baby Bear is going to scream about his naked leg
during the entire trip as well. Itís okay. Youíre not a bad mom. He wonít remember this
by the time you get a boob in his mouth later anyway. He wonít remember any of it.
Bunny might, but it will just make her laugh. Iím not laughing. Not yet. I think I will,
though. Maybe when the kids are asleep and Iím alone in the quiet living room with a
fuzzy blanket and a hot cocoa. Yes. Thatís when this will be funny.
Can you relate to this horror story? Ever been caught without clean diapers, clothes or any other vital baby care item when you need it most? Share with us!
Lara Date 1/27/2014
I am laughing and crying all at once! With a 3-month-old and a preschooler, I can relate entirely. With new baby, I forgot to keep spare changes of clothes in my purse or car...but it only took me one poop bomb to remember from now on! :)
Cinnamon Date 1/27/2014
If you pull the onesie down over their bottom it helps to minimize the mess and worry of getting poo on their face and hands. The hole is big enough to make it down over their body.
Leela Rao Date 1/28/2014
I've amazingly managed to avoid this scenario at this point, but I'm sure I'll have to deal with it (or something similar) at some point. That's what being a mom is all about, right?
All Natural Katie Date 1/28/2014
Absolutely hilarious! Although I have not yet had a similar experience, I can totally relate to most parts of it. It's good to know that others experience things like this. Makes me feel a little less like a bad mom.
Mary Date 1/28/2014
Wow! You handled that with grace! I don't know if I would have remained as calm!
Larissa Brown Date 1/29/2014
Oh, I have been there! You did a great job keeping it together!
marisa hernandez Date 1/31/2014
wow.. this is funny lol .. i hope i dont go through this myself yet.. but hey ill know im not the only one if i do X)
Heidi Berard Date 1/31/2014
Yup, been there done that. Happy you remembered car seat safety even in this crazy moment.
Amber E Date 2/5/2014
Wow. What a nightmare. Good job! That reminds me to put a spare change of clothes for all family members in the back of the car...
Rachel A. Date 2/7/2014
There is definitely a learning curve when it comes to maintaining a diaper bag...so far, I have made it out of the house without a wet bag a couple of times. Fortunately, nothing disasterous happened!
Sara Ramirez Date 2/14/2014
not yet but i know one day i will be able to relate