Murphy’s Law Concerning Diapered Babies and Poop
Murphy's Law: Anything that CAN go wrong WILL go wrong.
If you put your baby in a brand, new cloth diaper; they will poop, preferably within five minutes. If you change your preferred method of diapering (even just once) to use a diaper with more intricate folding on the inside (prefolds, flats, some AIOs), your baby will poop in it and you will accidentally get a face full of poopy water when you take it to the diaper sprayer. If you are out running errands, your baby will poop. You will either have to dunk in a public toilet, or save it in your wetbag until you get home. If you put it in your wetbag to save it until you get home, you will forget about it for at least two days, if not longer. If you are down to only one clean baby wipe, or even none, your baby will poop a big messy poop that requires three hands. If your baby actually has a blowout in a cloth diaper while you are out of the house(which is hard to manage), it will be on the one day you forgot to bring a change of clothes, and most likely on the coldest day of the year. If you open the diaper and remove it quickly without checking, your baby will have pooped and it will roll onto the floor, into your baby’s mouth, or down between the wall and the changing table. Also, it will be one of those poops that would have gone into the toilet perfectly without dunking and spraying. If you’re always careful to check if a diaper has poop before removing it in the hope of avoiding situation number 5, the poop will be messy and sticky and require lots of spraying or dunking. When your in a hurry, your baby will poop right before going out the door. While you’re spraying poopy diapers, your child will come up to you and offer you a bite of his apple or hug you around the knees, causing poopy water to spray up onto your walls. You will forget about any poopy water spray on your walls until after company has visited and it’s so stuck on it takes five solid minutes of hard elbow grease to remove, at which point you will have to use your fingernails to remove it, and subsequently cut your nails. If your baby wakes up from nap time and this is the one day you just can’t get to them right away so you let them sit in the crib because it sounds like they are playing happily, you will walk in fifteen minutes later to find the diaper on the floor and the baby, the crib, and the wall plastered with poop (Yes, it has happened in my house. No, unfortunately I don’t have any pictures). When you’ve finally gotten around to changing that diaper you meant to change for the last 45 minutes and couldn’t because you were busy cleaning up the trail of disaster that follows your toddler, they will poop immediately and you’ll have to change them again, immediately. However, if you yourself happen to drop a deadly fart in public and blame it on the baby, their diaper will be completely, poop free.