It's ALL about the POOP

Posted by Becca on 7/14/2014 to Cloth Diaper Humor
poop,cloth dipaers

Itís All About the Poop (Unfortunately)

I donít have too much time on my hands, I promise, but I do think of seriously weird things while spraying diapers, doing laundry, washing dishes; basically any time Iím working on some type of semi≠ brainless activity. This time, it was poop. Iím pretty good at poop by now. Iím five years into this parenting thing with ten years of prior diaper≠ changing experience up my sleeve from six younger siblings, so Iím not afraid of a little poop.

Okay, thatís not true. I am afraid of it. However, when youíre a parent, thatís a moot point.

Poop is always the thing that seems to be of most concern to people when they think of cloth diapers. Itís really the deal≠ breaker for some. I sort of see why. Poop is gross. But face it, disposables or re-usables, youíre gonna be dealing with poop if you become a parent. A lot. At least with cloth diapers, most of the poop stays within the diaper so you deal with it on your terms. So, letís just take a look at what weíre gonna be dealing with here:

The Newborn Poop

Iím not gonna lie, this is my favorite poop.ówell if one could have a favorite when it comes to subject matter such as this. Anyway. Iíve only breastfed so I am not well- versed in the ways of formula poop, but in my experience, this poop doesnít have such an offensive smell. I donít know, though, maybe thatís just the euphoria and hormones that come with having a new baby. It could also be the lack of sleep which leads to occasionally wearing some of it for an hour or two before having the chance to look in the mirror. Scent aside, the best part about newborn breastmilk poop is that you donít have to spray it. No, seriously, it doesnít need to be sprayed. I know, gross right? With my daughter who pooped only once every three days, we sprayed the poop anyway because I was still thinking, ďYuck! Poop in my washer!Ē My son pooped at almost every diaper change so that got old quickly. It was more like, ďYay! The poop goes in the washer!Ē I know from experience that you can throw that babyó the poop, not the actual babyó into the washer and the mustardy stuff comes right out. Yes, this poop is prone to staining your diapers, but a little sun and repeated washes will take care of that over time once your baby outgrows this stage.

The Leaker

Well...then thereís the thing about soupy breastmilk poop that I hate because sometimes it leaks. My son pooped in 15 of his 17 daily diaper changes and he leaked 20% of the time, even in our best cloth diapers. That liquidy stuff can really find weak points so as to make itself known. Donít shake your head at me! I know you have a couple of newborn and 0≠3 month outfits with yellow spots that wonít come out. Mmhmm, thought so.

The Transitional Poop

Things start to solidify when your baby begins eating purees. The poop is still yellow as long as breastmilk is the main ingredient in your babyís diet, but itís starting to have a shape and form sort of like play dough. Introducing food other than breast milk means that you have to start spraying or dunking your diapers too. Unfortunately, this isnít the stuff that you can just knock off into the toilet either. This type of feces cakes on and requires a bit of elbow grease, a double dunk≠ n≠ flush, or a nice strong spray to come off.

The Whole Food Poop

I know this sounds like a healthy meal plan, but unfortunately, itís not. When your kid starts eating finger foods, say green beans, corn, or peas; the food often comes out whole in the diaper. For real, there will be whole, little, orange carrots peppering the muddy brown mush. This is the stage when babies havenít grown accustomed to chewing yet so they swallow little pieces of food whole just the way theyíve always done with their milk or their purees. Also, their digestive systems must still be maturing because youíd think some of that stomach acid would help at least a little bit.

The Slider

This poop can be soft or solid. What makes it stand out from the rest is that it hides at the back of the diaper. You know the deal. You open up the nappy and it looks like thereís just a tiny bit of poop. Then you pull the thing off and begin to wipe the front only to find that the majority of the feces are caked up at the back of your babyís waist and have now spread to their changing pad cover and clothing. This sneaky, little poo requires not just a diaper change but a new outfit and changing pad cover. So, remember that things arenít always as they appear and even if youíre tired or you were hoping for a quick change, donít let your guard down. Always lift that little butt high, checking all the way up to the waistband.

The Clingy One

This is the one that clings to the inner surface of your diaper no matter how hard you spray or how much you dunk. Youíre gonna have to take your time getting this baby loose. Donít worry, it will come off, but if youíre little one is mobile, you might consider putting him in the pack≠ n≠ play for a few minutes.

The Diaper≠Filler

Hereís where youíre glad you use cloth diapers. Theyíre not always completely leak≠-proof for many reasons that have been discussed in other posts, but theyíre so much more reliable than their throw≠away counter parts. When you open up this poopy present, youíll see that it has filled every available inch of the diaper from tummy to back. Sometimes, my husband and I donít even attempt to wipe the baby down. We just skip straight to the bathtub, holding him at arms length like heís radioactive while he happily flails his arms and kicks his legs, eagerly spreading his poopy artwork on the walls and floors as we go.

If both parents are home, one takes care of the diaper and the other takes care of the kid. If youíre home alone, well good luck with that.

The Wedgie

This oneís not so great for the kid, but not so bad for diaper clean≠up because itís usually mostly solid. I donít think I really have to describe it to you but I will. Itís that poop that travels up your babyís butt ≠crack and settles in, molding itself to your babyís creases. I canít imagine itís comfortable for the little one, but my kids never complained. A good shake and it comes off the diaper easily. If it clung to the baby rather than the diaper, youíll have to go shake those wipes over the toilet, or worse, spray them.

The Escape Artist

This one baffles me. It usually comes in the shape of a little pea or hush puppy and it rolls out either during a diaper change or even before, if youíre like me and like to let your kiddos run around in a pinned prefold with no cover, or your little girl has discovered how to open her diapers all by herself. The worst is that sometimes it leaves no trace in the diaper: no skid marks, and no stains. You open her up and think itís just pee and then find something warm and gooey squishing up through your toes and realize that it rolled right out before youíd even realized it was there, and is now smashed into the pile of your carpet.

The Forgotten One

This oneís the worst. Itís either the poop in the wetbag you accidentally left in your diaper bag or the diaper you left on your kid for too long. Whether on the child or on the diaper, this poop likes to hang on because itís made itís home there and gotten dry and comfy. A bit of scrubbing on the bum and a good bit of spraying or dunking over the toilet should clean up most of this. A bath for the baby and a trip through the wash should take care of the rest.

The Smelly One

This one comes in all shapes, textures, and colors. Sometimes, itís not even a real poop, just a nasty fart designed to send fear into the heart of even the toughest parent. Itís main characteristic is its ability to clear a room.

The Rainbow One

Maybe it was the blueberries. Or the green beans. But suddenly your kidís part unicorn because youíre sure youíve never seen poop this color before. Go ahead and ease your mind by calling the pediatrician, but chances are itís normal. Whether or not it stains your diaper, waits to be seen...

The Solid One

This is the poop every parent dreams of: a nice, solid poop that requires little wiping on the bum and little to no spraying/dunking over the toilet. Itís cohesive but not adhesive and slides nicely into the porcelain bowl without much fuss. You wonít be able to look for this kind of poop in your babyís diaper until theyíre at least a year old, if not later, because this one comes when your kidís nutrition is derived mainly from solid foods. Once you graduate to this level of poop, youíre usually here to stay unless your little one experiences a bad bout of diarrhea. Of course, if youíre not careful, the solid one can become an escape artist, so be vigilant.

Poop happens. Everyone does it. Adults can forget about it and never mention it like the big, pink elephant in the room and those without kids are able to avoid the topic of conversation altogether unless theyíre seeking it out. Babies change all that. They poop pretty publicly, so parents spend much of their first parenting days dealing with the brown (or green, or yellow) stuff, and talking about it maybe for the first time ever. I mean, whatís more romantic than discussing the color and viscosity of your sonís poop with your husband after putting him to bed? Yeah, weíve done it and I know you have too. We deal with it so often that we might as well look for the humor in it. Sometimes, I console myself with the fact that one day, my kids might have to change my diapers. Of course, by then theyíll probably have kids of their own which means they will have paid their dues.

Comments

Date 7/14/2014
Marie
So funny and true.
Date 7/14/2014
Leela R.
This is so funny, thanks! I have to say we mostly get The Wedgie, The Escape Artist, and The Smelly One around here. It's the smelly one that's the worst because that stench just sets in and is so tough to get out of microsuede.
Date 7/18/2014
Bianca Munoz
When you become a parent cloth or not. Poop I'd important lol
Date 7/18/2014
jenelle
so Funny! never thought i'd be getting so close!
Date 7/18/2014
Aubrey
This had me laughing so hard, my two month old is giving me the stink eye while he's nursing! Lol
Date 7/18/2014
Jessica Anne Comerford
Lol! I loved this.
Date 7/18/2014
Katy Baird
OMG. I don't know that I've laughed this much about poop in a while. I am all too familiar with the DiaperFiller :-(
Date 7/18/2014
Maegan Washington
This was great! I think we are in the whole food poop and the rainbow one. It can be interesting.
Date 7/18/2014
Ainee Ramos
so funny! my son's poop has been mushy solid and not dunkable. i am glad i have a sprayer
Date 7/19/2014
Audrey G
I hate to say it, but I enjoyed this article about POOP!
Date 7/19/2014
Amy Wright
Totally agree - newborn poop is the best (at least as good as poop gets).
Date 7/19/2014
Jamie Layton
What a great read if you are having a bad day! Bookmarking this one.
Date 7/19/2014
Julia Rotert
The slider is the worst!! We are happily into the mostly solid phase now but back when we were in that sweet spot of breastmilk poop we rarely had an issue. We did the "jelly roll" with our prefolds and created what I have termed "the poop shoot". Hardly ever had a blowout! :)
Date 7/20/2014
Chelsea
Ha loved this!
Date 7/21/2014
Megan Benson
We all poop! I find baby pooo easier than dog poop. Cleaning poopy diapers doesn't bother me.
Date 7/21/2014
christine k
Most of my DS's ended up squished in and impossible to get out because he didn't care when he pooped and would just sit in it.
Date 7/21/2014
Mariah
We've had all of these poops. Lately we've had more and more clingy ones. I've switched to disposable wipes because of it. :(
Date 7/23/2014
Suzanne Williams
So funny!
Date 7/24/2014
Courtney Osmanson
Lol love it! My son has mostly wedgie poo and I'm happy with that, clean up is a breeze.
Date 7/25/2014
Erin
My little one is still EBF and I love that I just throw the poopy diaper in the wash. I am worried about the poop when he starts solids. Thanks for the preview :(
Date 7/25/2014
Brandi Flowers
Haha so funny and true!
Date 7/26/2014
Alicia Chen
I've only been through the newborn and transitional poop... looking forward to the rest in coming months lol!
Date 8/1/2014
Jaime
This really helped me understand what to look forward to!! Thank you!
Date 8/8/2014
Vicki H
Lol This is funny we've had all of the above here !
Date 8/14/2014
Kim H
Hilarious! My husband & I just had the color conversation the day after my 2 year old ate a huge carrot!
Date 8/30/2014
Natasha Dansby Weaver
So funny and so true! My, how I miss the newborn breast fed poops!
Date 9/9/2014
Erin B.
Lol! Love it, who knew there were so many kinds?

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